MJ Clipped His Toenails

I admit to being a Michael Jackson fan.  He was my introduction to being a fan of anything. Now that he’s gone, I’m still on the fence about his guilt regarding the allegations made against him. But one other thing that I can’t help but think about is how weird it would be to see him do anything normal. Alarmingly enough, I find it easier to visualize him seducing a child than brushing his teeth.  That skeletal, ghost-like veneer just doesn’t lend itself to say, peeling an orange or applying deodorant. Can you see him doing everyday things? Just like everyone, he switched his pillow to the colder side in bed at night. He farted. He burped. He may have even picked what was left of his nose. Although all normal things, I still find it easier to visualize feeding an 8-year-old wine. In his younger years, things like putting on a pair of socks would not seem strange at all, but in what I will call “the ghoul” years, it would look comedic. Almost frightening. Oh well.  He’s gone and we’ll never know whether he was innocent or not. Or how it looked when he clipped his toenails.

It's just hair

Why do razor ads have to be so prolific? Words like “maximum” or “mach 5” are tossed around like nobody’s business. It’s as if these technological wonders are fulfilling some innate need for advanced facial hair removal. Like we’ve all been waiting and biding our time for the next razor breakthrough. I have never paid so much attention to a shave. But in these ads, the guy always seems so pleased with how proficient his hair removal skills are. His girlfriend – usually looking on adoringly – is also impressed by his smooth, ultra, turbo, science-infused shave. Seems to me like they’re marketing to 10-year old boys. “Oh look, big words and flashy stuff. It’s like a rocket ship! I want to shave with a rocket ship. I’m going to buy this razor because it reminds me of a rocket ship.” It doesn’t work on me. I have a beard.  It’s a statement. I’m shunning the rocket ship. Your hair removal revolution will have no place in my bathroom. Who am I kidding? Rocket ships are super neat. Super-duper neat. Yeah, I said it.