I walked into three farts today. Three. One is usually quite out of the ordinary, but three is just plain horrifying. I couldn't help but wonder if I had done something to offend the fart gods. Especially given the severity of each incident. In one case, I think I actually got a slight buzz along with a hefty helping of egg and cheese.
It's such a bizarre thing. One second I'm in line to pay for a pepsi and the next I'm marinating in someone's filth. I have started reacting quite vocally when inside the cloud itself. "Oh god" is a favourite of mine. Or "Jesus Christ! You've got to be kidding me!"I guess I want them to know and acknowledge my discontent. A quick, disapproving look is not a suitable response to the terror they've put me through.
How do I make things right? Do I enter an elevator and save an unsuspecting person from a Taco Bell treat with a can of lysol? Perhaps a trip to the Mandarin with a bag full of beano will do the trick. For now, I venture into crowds with great anticipation, hoping that my innocent purchase isn't punctuated with their three course breakfast.
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